Are you tired of keeping up with the yuppie gaia guilt arms race? Is your oatmeal grass fed? Are your thoughts organic? Did you pay an arm and a leg for that sandwich, or just half a leg? You should be ashamed of how little you support your local free range social mobile artisans. Go buy some penance kale. And it better not have gluten. Or you'll die. Twice.
For those who have just straight up lost count of their unbridled farm to table sin tally, we offer another way. Throw your smartphone into a lake. Fictitious studies suggest that throwing your smartphone into a lake reduces cortisol by up to 10%, diminishes ability to self-inflict information overload, and feels "pretty dang great".
Live free. Or die. Or something in the middle. Whatever.
We are not responsible for smartphones thrown into lakes.
+3 Organic Grass Fed Free Range vibes
+2 Temptation near bodies of water
-1 Smartphone life expectancy
|Body Length (inches)||24 ¾||25 ⅜||26||26 ⅝||27 ¼||27 ⅞|
|Body Width (inches)||15 ¼||16 ¼||17 ¼||18 ¼||19 ¼||21 ¼|
If you're not satisfied for any reason, we'll happily accept returns or exchange sizes <3